In September has suddenly died my aunt, and it was to me as native mother. I have not uttered any teardrop though it there was a greater loss! Also has begun: the FEAR is has started to operate me, instead of me. There are no forces - ABSOLUTELY! I should sit, stand, something to do. I feel constant weariness. Contrary to to all I WISH to live, I do not wish to be the madwoman! What to me to do?